Mistakes Are D-E-L-I-C-A-T-E

Since I recently wrote about perfectionism, I thought I'd share some useful tips on how we can prevent perfectionism in children. According to family psychologist John F. Taylor, Ph.D., the trick is to encourage a healthy attitude toward mistakes in young children. Using the acronym DELICATE, he suggests that parents and teachers use the following statements when a child gets discouraged when he/she makes a mistake.

And what's to stop us grownups from saying these to ourselves too?

"Your mistakes are ... "

Decreasing --

"Look how far you've come"

"Things will get easier as you continue to practice"

Expected --

"That's why pencils have erasers"

"Everybody makes mistakes; nobody is perfect"

Learning Tools --

"Success means any forward progress"

"What can you learn from this experience for next time?"

Incompletions --

"You didn't run out of talent; you just ran out of time"

"You're just not done with it yet; we'll work on it again later"

Caused --

"Let's see what's giving you the trouble here"

"Every mistake has a cause"

Accidental --

"You can't make a mistake on purpose"

"All mistakes are just accidents"

Temporary --

"You're just not ready for this right now"

"This doesn't mean that you can't do it better later"

Effort Proofs --

"Mistakes only prove you're trying"

"Mistakes are benchmarks on the path of effort"

(Special thanks to John F. Taylor, Ph.D. for permission to reproduce his material. Dr. Taylor is an expert on parenting children with ADD and chronic misbehavior. You can visit his website for more information.)

So You Think They Noticed?

Ever made a verbal gaffe in a presentation at work and thought to yourself, "I must have looked stupid"? Or had a date who burped loudly in a classy restaurant and you thought, "Great, I'll never be able to show my face here again"?

In social psychology, the "spotlight effect" refers to our tendency to overestimate the amount of attention people pay to our actions--especially the embarrassing ones. Oftentimes it's all just in our mind. So don't fret over the mismatched socks.

clipped from www.psychologytoday.com Did everyone see me do that? We often feel that everything we do is under a social microscope. For example, we worry that everyone will notice the awkward statement that we make during an important conference call or that everyone was focused on our appearance on a "bad hair day." Are such worries justified or are we just being too sensitive when such thoughts cross our mind? Cornell undergraduates were asked to wear a Barry Manilow t-shirt. At the end of the study, the shirt wearer was asked to estimate what percentage of the other students would remember their shirt, and they expected that nearly half of the students in the room would be able to recall their embarrassing shirt. However, in actuality when the others students were asked to identify the shirt, less than a quarter of them could do it. On average, people expected that twice as many people would recall the shirt as they actually did.

A Little Conversation About Feelings

Wednesday. 3pm. Alone in staff lounge, savoring lunch at long last. Colleague (non-counseling staff) walks in.

Colleague: How are ya?

Me: Exhausted, but good. Just came out of a very intense session with a family. It all went well, but I'm just mentally drained.

C: Yeah?

M: Do you sometimes feel this way in your work? (Read: I'm too tired to talk, but I want to have a conversation with you. How about you tell me about your work?)

C: Thankfully I don't deal directly with clients. But I do feel this way in my own family. I've got a husband and a teenage kid.

M: I see.

C: And I used to feel so overwhelmed by my feelings about things at home. It got so bad I sometimes just wanted to hit somebody. My husband, who's trained in martial arts, would let me take it out on him, so I'd punch him repeatedly on his arm and scream. And then I'd say, "Why doesn't that make me feel better?" And I'd actually feel much worse than before because I couldn't make my bad feelings go away.

M: ...

C: Then, over time, I came to realize that my feelings are just that--feelings. Just because I have a feeling about certain things, my feelings don't define these things. Feelings and reality are not the same.

M: Yup. Your feelings about a past event, a person--anything--may come and go, even if the object is still there. And you may have a different feeling about the same object in the next moment.

C: Exactly. Having a feeling about something doesn't meant I have to act on it. Sure feelings sometimes guide action, but by way of rational thought.

M: And you are more than your feelings. Your feelings are but one of the many parts of you.

Then somehow the subject shifted to "husbands," the contents of which I shall not spill here. But deep down, I was grateful to Colleague for that wonderful reminder. It was exactly what I needed in that moment (besides food).

Perfectionism

A fellow counselor and I were discussing perfectionism just the other day. To be exact, we were talking about our perfectionism. Or, shall I say, how we're tormented by our desire to get everything just the way we want it to be, no more, no less.

There is a certain paradox about two self-proclaimed perfectionists lamenting how they lives are imperfect because of their obsession with perfection. Think of it, if you have to put all your mental energy into bringing a piece of work to perfection, agonize over the little details so much you miss the joy of creating this work in the first place, and the only way you can be satisfied is if the work meets all your expectations of what you want it to look like, how much energy is left for the other aspects of life?

But then, isn't perfectionism what makes us competent individuals? Isn't this what some of our parents and teachers taught us to become, to "keep trying until you succeed," to "keep practicing so you get better each time"? Isn't perfection what the media insidiously and relentlessly goad us to pursue, with commercials that bombard us with images of flawless faces or cellphones with ever-faster 3G connection?

A professor once said, "Perfectionism is like the the most westerly point. You can head west, and even feel compelled to do so, but you'll never get there. Wherever you are, there's always a point further west."

Ok, I get it. And I've thought of a perfect solution for my perfectionism. For today, I'm going to deliberately make a perfect mistake. I'll obsess for the next hour what it's going to be, how and when I'm going to execute it. It'll be so perfect it'll bring a smile to my face every time I think about it. And maybe I'll blog about it tomorrow. Perfect.

Bad Relationships Increase Work Stress

How many times have you heard a friend lament about their being single, something along the lines of, "Work is killing me! Oh if only I could have a loving partner to come to home to every night..." (Or, how many times have you caught yourself thinking that?) Read on...

clipped from www.sciencedaily.com Partner Relationship As A Buffer Against Stress A good partner relationship can act as a buffer for those exposed to work-related stress. Women with a poorly-functioning relationship experienced more anxiety, mental stress reactions and sleeping difficulties than women who had a good relationship. Men who had a mediocre relationship had a higher incidence of depression, anxiety, psychological and somatic stress reactions than men with worse or better relationships. One explanation can be that people living with a mediocre relationship take more responsibility to improve the relationship, while those with poor relationships just admit it, and don't feel they can do anything about it. After having been exposed to stress, the body must recover and recharge itself. If there is no opportunity to recover , the body's reserves are emptied, and poor health ensues. The same principle applies when a person takes work home or has recurring quarrels and problems in his or her relationship.

Affordable Therapy

Does one need to be in long-term therapy before one sees the results?

Absolutely not. People often look for long-term therapy to work on deep-seated issues such as childhood abuse, trauma, and family-of-origin issues. But these are by no means the only way you can alleviate your present psychological problems. There are alternatives to dwelling on the past and exploring how historical factors led a person to his/her present predicament. After all, history is static: you cannot do anything to change it. Instead, you want to ask yourself, "Given what has happened, how do I move on?" This is like being dealt with a hand at poker that is far from perfect--the challenge is to play as good a game as you can with what options are available to you.

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) helps you maintain a forward-looking perspective by focusing on how you want things to be different and how to get there. It helps you take stock of your strengths (including a desire to change) and explores ways to develop these strengths so you reach your goals. Often, even without your awareness, elements of your desired outcomes are already present in your life. They become the ongoing basis for change and, with the help of a therapist, become amplified so that bigger changes can take place.

Establishing clear and specific goals is vital to the success of SFBT. Compared with therapists who adopt a psychodynamic tradition (think Freud), SFBT therapists are also more directive in keeping the focus on goals and how to reach them. Though SFBT tends not to set a limit on the number of sessions, the course of treatment is usually six sessions or less, simply because the approach is dynamic, focused, and goal-driven.

Though some poo-poo SFBT as a Band-Aid solution to psychological distress because it doesn't "get to the root" of the problem, research has shown impressive support for its efficacy. Maybe SFBT won't help you work through your feelings of abandonment and other childhood wounds, but it helps you to begin creating changes in the present so your unfinished business from your past no longer gets in the way of living a fulfilling life.

What does SFBT treat? The sky's the limit, though it's best suited for adjustment problems, stress, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, relationship problems (couples and family), and trauma.

If you're looking for a therapist but are skeptical about throwing in thousands of dollars for long-term treatment, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy may be the perfect answer for you.

SFBT Summer Special: 6 sessions for $400! Call (206)280-3591 or email me to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to find out if SFBT is right for you.

Simple Ways to Improve Sleep

Do you know:

- 25% of Americans experience occasional sleep problems
- 10% of the nation's population suffer from chronic insomnia
- Americans spend millions of dollars a year looking for a cure to their sleep problems, including prescription drugs, mattresses, and sound machines?

Before you fork out your hard-earned money to improve your quality of sleep, here are some simple, low-cost way that may help:

1. Create an Environment Conducive to Sleep

People tend to overlook the importance of having a conducive place to sleep. Get dimmers for your lighting, light-proof blinds, a CD player to play soothing music. Spray a calming scent if you want to, but no candles because you'll probably lay awake worrying about whether it's going to catch a fire. Absolutely no TV, computer, or even cellphones. Electronic equipment emits small amounts of energy that may interfere with your brain waves. Even the sight of them can be a stark reminder of the tasks you've not completed in the day. If you can't move them out of your bedroom, cover them with scarves or other soft fabric before you start your bedtime routine. Avoid watching TV, eating, or web-surfing in bed. (Some even discourage reading in bed.) You want to prime your mind to think "sleep" when your head hits the pillow.

2. Establish a Relaxing Bedtime Routine

You know you get drowsy after a carb-laden meal in the day, but it really doesn't improve your quality of sleep because your internal organs are working hard to digest the food. So try to have your dinner at least two hours before bedtime, and preferably a light meal at that. If you do snack at night, stick to proteins such as nuts. Start winding down mentally 30 minutes before bedtime--read a calming book (on a comfy chair by the bed), put on soft music, practice meditation or muscle relaxation.

3. Help Your Body Relax

Focus your mind on your here-and-now experience in your body. Apply a scented lotion all over your body before you change into your PJs, and enjoy the feeling of stroking your own skin. If you sleep with a partner, give each other a massage. Practice deep, slow breathing. Think "in" as you inhale, feeling the breath work its way down to your diaphragm, then think "out" as you exhale. Feel the soft touch of your Egytian cotton bedsheets on your skin and the mattress gently propping your body up. Trust that your bed will hold you through the night, so your body doesn't have to support itself the way it does in the day. If a worrying thought comes into your mind, notice it, and let go. You can deal with it tomorrow. Then gently return your focus on your bodily experience. You may find it helpful to play an audio recording of guided relaxation to help you relax your various muscle groups.

4. Change Your Lifestyle

Exercise regularly, reduce your intake of caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, and sugar. Drive in the slow lane. Make time for friends and family. Resist the urge to multi-task. Cultivate a new hobby.

5. Cultivate Compassion Toward Yourself

We are often our own harshest critics. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Instead of chiding to yourself, "I should be asleep by now!" give yourself permission to lose sleep. You may find that removing self-criticism will at once alleviate the pressure and anxiety that are stopping you from falling asleep.

Do you know of other ways to help you sleep better? Feel free to comment or email me with your tried-and-tested tips.

The Problem with Diagnoses (Part 2)

In yesterday's blog, I wrote about how inclusions of mental disorders shift with different editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM), and how this process is influenced by the marketing efforts of pharmaceutical companies and other lobbying groups. A few hours after publishing the post, I came across an article online that illustrates perfectly how arbitrary definitions of mental illnesses is. (And, if I may say so, how institutions such as the APA oppress the working poor, the have-nots in the society--but I'll save that discussion for a later blog.)

To be sure, the DSM is not all bad. It gives us the language to communicate with other professionals (and yes, insurance companies too) when discussing client needs and in coordinating services. Many people also feel relieved about being able to name their condition and understand that the condition is only a part of themselves ("I'm not crazy; I have bulimia.").

For others, a diagnosis especially one of a personality disorder, is not unlike a life sentence and even a convenient excuse to NOT try to change their behavior ("I'm borderline, don't expect me to behave rationally!"). It may also affect how others perceive them. Human beings are consistently looking to filter information--it's what keeps us from being overwhelmed and confused by the barrage of stimuli around us. However, what happens when we name something is that we tend to look at it out of its context and attach permanent characteristics to it. Similarly, when we hear about a mental disorder in a person, the person's other characteristics (e.g., of a loving mother) may fade into the background.

With adolescents who persistently defy authority and break rules, it is not uncommon to find dysfunction in the family; labelling the teen as "oppositional defiant" may unduly place shift the focus away from the family to the offending youth. Family members often fail to see the role they play in creating or maintaining the unwanted behavior and thus miss out on the opportunity to help create lasting changes in the adolescent by changing the dynamics in the family system.

Therapy is a meeting of two or more people, each with his/her rich characteristics and unique qualities. No one deserves to be seen through the tunnel vision offered by the label of a mental disorder.

Feeling Bitter? You Could be Mentally Ill

What's worse than having lost our jobs, our homes, our 401(k) in the recession, while the top execs at financial institutions get away with big bonuses straight out of our pockets? How about being told we've got Post Traumatic Embitterment Disorder? American Psychiatric Association (APA) is considering including bitterness in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

clipped from www.psychologytoday.com Bitterness: The Next Mental Disorder? that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder. But when justified anger at such incompetence is discussed as a sign of mental illness, it is borderline insulting, especially because half the reason for the discussion is to ensure that drug companies—anxious to prod their faltering revenues—can promise relief from the alleged disorder with yet more pharmaceuticals. Imagine, if you will, the inevitable ads: "Think it's just bitterness from job loss, foreclosure on your home, or that nonexistent pension for which you've been saving all your working years? It may be 'post-traumatic embitterment disorder,' a mental illness that some doctors think is due to a chemical imbalance . . ." as usual the APA has ignored or shunted aside most of the explanatory context, to pathologize the individual in all of her or his frustrated grievance.

The Problem with Diagnoses (Part 1)

Let's picture what typically happens when you seek therapy. You call around various therapists, make an appointment with one of them who accepts your medical insurance, and you show up for the initial assessment. What you may or may not know is that your therapist will then have to diagnose you with a mental disorder and provide this, along with other information such as your treatment plan, to your insurance company in order to be paid for the services provided to you.

What's wrong with this picture?

To make a diagnosis of a mental illness, mental health professionals such as psychiatrists and therapists rely on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The current manual (DSM-IV-TR) lists categorically 297 conditions ranging from schizophrenia to substance abuse, from panic disorder to paranoid personality disorder. Almost every disorder carries a set of criteria one needs to meet to justify its diagnosis.

Herein lies the problem: definitions of what is "normal" change with every new edition of the manual, as a result of new research findings and greater awareness, as well as lobbying efforts and political factors. A strong cultural bias exist. Case in point: "homosexuality" was considered a mental disorder (read: needs fixing) until 1987 edition of DSM.

A related problem is that it isn't always clear which diagnosis fits you best, so your therapist may have to do some guesswork or fill in some information gaps just to fit you into a diagnostic category.

Insurance companies also dictate what conditions they do and do not cover. Most do not cover treatment of relational problems such as that within a couple of between a parent and child. This means that if you're seeking couples therapy, chances are your therapist will have to diagnose you or your partner with a mental disorder such as depression or anxiety in order to fulfill insurance requirements.

Lobbying efforts from pharmaceutical companies can dictate the prevailing diagnoses. We saw how, beginning in the late 1990s, children formerly diagnosed with ADHD were increasingly being labelled bipolar, thanks in large part to aggressive marketing efforts by the makers of anti-psychotic and anti-depressant drugs to family doctors and child psychiatrists.

(On a separate note, I shudder to think that many of these drugs have not been shown to work on children; in fact emerging evidence suggests that they may cause more harm in the long run.
If you want to learn more about the controversy, I highly recommend watching the PBS documentary "The Medicated Child.")

We are How We Eat

A few days ago, I had a tight work schedule (and a long day at that). Anxious to meet my next client on time, I practically slurped a bowl of pho (Vietnamese noodles) in 10 minutes flat during lunch.

"No big deal," I hear you say. "That happens to me a lot." But have you ever noticed how your body felt--how YOU felt--the rest of the day when you did that? Did it help you feel less stressed because you've managed to keep things under control by accomplishing more than if you were to take a leisurely meal? Or did you actually feel more anxious?

For me, I couldn't stay focused almost through the entire day. I felt my anxiety taking over, like I had to keep stepping on the gas in the fast lane. I felt like a hamster on the wheel; I couldn't stop. It seems that when you speed things up hoping to gain control, you wind up losing control. Ironic, isn't it?

What happens when we eat fast is that our stomach and intestines strain to properly break down and assimilate food into our body. This contributes to our stress level both directly through indigestion, bloating, and cramping, and indirectly through failure to absorb essential nutrients.

So, our moms were right when they taught us to chew 20 times before swallowing. Here's why, and a couple of other things that will help relieve anxiety:

- Chewing food 15 to 20 times per mouthful helps relieve anxiety because our teeth and enzyme in the saliva help to break down the food in our mouth and makes the work of our internal digestive system much easier.

- Eat just enough to feel satisfied so you don't overload your digestive system. You don't have to clean out the plate.

- Drink one cup of water with the meal. Drinking too much fluid can actually dilute stomach acid and digestive enzymes, thereby increasing the level of stress on the body system.

You can take it a step further by practicing mindful eating, which involves focusing on chewing, tasting, feeling the texture of the food (and its juices) in your mouth before making a decision to swallow it and finally swallowing it.

I'll write about mindfulness and mindful eating in another article, but for a start, how about eating at a dining table, away from your computer screen or television set?

America's Drug Problem

In my day-to-day work, I've seen individuals waste their life away on drugs and families broken up because of one (or more) member's drug habit. How much responsibility should we put on the individual who falls to addiction and how much responsibility should we assign to the state? Or to the society who has failed to provide the support these individuals need to cope with their mental health problems?

clipped from www.nytimes.com Drugs Won the War This year marks the 40th anniversary of President Richard Nixon’s start of the war on drugs, and it now appears that drugs have won. First, we have vastly increased the proportion of our population in prisons. Second, we have empowered criminals at home and terrorists abroad. Third, we have squandered resources. We spend seven times as much on drug interdiction, policing and imprisonment as on treatment. President Obama’s new drug czar, Gil Kerlikowske wants to banish the war on drugs phraseology, while shifting more toward treatment over imprisonment. “I don’t see any big downside to marijuana decriminalization,” said Peter Reuter At most, he said, there would be only a modest increase in usage. One approach would be for a state or two to experiment with legalization of marijuana, allowing it to be sold by licensed pharmacists, while measuring the impact on usage and crime.

We are What We Eat

So you've done your meditation, yoga, tried everything your therapist has asked you to do -- and still not able to rid yourself of anxiety? Have you looked at your diet lately?

Of course you know that 5 cups of latte a day is not going to lower your anxiety one bit. Caffeine is a notorious culprit behind generalize anxiety and panic attacks. (And yes, that includes caffeine in your cola and energy drinks.)

But do you know that nicotine is as strong as caffeine in stimulating you physiological arousal? Considering that smokers tend to feel a sense of relief and calm when they light up, it may be surprising to them to know that smoking actually causes constriction of the blood vessels and therefore causes their heart to work harder, resulting in increased stress.

Excessive salt raises your blood pressure, putting strain on your heart and speeding up the process of arterosclerosis. It also depletes your body of potassium, an important mineral in the proper functioning of the nervous system.

Artificial preservatives such as nitrites, monosodium glutamate (MSG), and artificial colorings and flavorings are also responsible for increasing our anxiety. Our bodies are simply not made to process chemicals, and you may even have an allergic reaction to them. Try to eat whole, unprocessed foods and buy organic vegetables and fruits.

Speaking of organic foods, you probably know that a lot of the meat you get in large grocery stores have been fed hormones to promote weight gain and growth. One such hormone, diethylstilbestrol (DES), has caused quite a stir because some believe it causes breast cancer and fibroid tumors. You may want to reduce your intake of red meat, pork, and commercially available poultry, and replace it with organically raised beef, poultry and fish.

According to a Chinese saying, "Disease comes from what we eat." Ok, so they may not have heard about UV rays back when this saying originated, but in many ways this is still true even when we talk about mental well-being, isn't it?

Marriage and Family Therapy

Everyone's got to have a professional spiel they use from time to time, so here it goes:

Ling Chua, M.A., was trained as in marriage and family therapy at Antioch University Seattle. She is currently a Licensed Marriage and Therapist Associate with the Washington State and has a private practice in Bellevue, WA.

Ling has extensive experience in adolescent therapy as well as couples counseling, individual counseling, and family therapy. Her areas of specialization are as follows:

- Marriage problems
- Parent coaching
- Parent-child relationship problems
- Behavioral problems in children and adolescents
- Addictions and substance abuse
- Anxiety issues
- Depression

- Stabilization of families in crises

Ling uses a variety of treatment techniques in her work, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, narrative therapy, emotion-focused couples therapy, solution-focused brief therapy, and mindfulness based practice. She also offers therapy services in Mandarin.

If you'd like to know if Ling is a good match for you as a therapist, please visit her website at www.passagescounseling.com or email ling@passagescounseling.com to schedule a free initial consultation.

Insomnia - A Modern World Epidemic

Who would have guessed that a conspiracy exists to keep us all awake at night?

clipped from psychotherapynetworker.com Sleepless in America Little is known about the mechanisms, causes, clinical course, co-morbidities, and consequences of chronic insomnia. The percentage of the population who need less than five hours of sleep per night, rounded to a whole number, is zero. In fact, thanks to technology, particularly the Internet, there's nothing you can do during the day that you can't do at night. clipped from psychotherapynetworker.com Insomnia is exactly what the movers and shakers of our society want for us. The buzz-term used by advertisers and corporate honchos for the monetary windfall of our 24/7 lifestyle is the "attention economy," and there's a perceived need to increase it, which means finding ever-growing numbers of people (consumers) awake and aware of the proliferating Internet-mediated information sources (the "product") popping up on their screens, and ultimately buying something, somewhere, from someone. clipped from psychotherapynetworker.com In our own culture, there's an eerie echo of this insatiable striving to rise above our need for sleep and become powerhouses.

Impulse Control Problems - When You Never Can Buy Enough

To buy or not to buy? That is the question we're asking ourselves more frequently these days.

Impulse control disorders come in many forms, including eating disorders, pathological gambling, and addiction to substances. Perhaps a more common, albeit less debilitating, type of impulse control problem is compulsive shopping.

Think back on the last time you bought something you really didn't need and which perhaps costs more than you can afford. You couldn't take the object out of your mind, your excitement level goes way up as you increasing crave for it and anticipate owning it, you may even be experiencing accompanying physiological responses (increased pulse rate and blood pressure). Your experience peaks at the time you sign on your credit card purchase slip and may sustain for a few more hours after you get home to play with your new gadget, put on your new dress, or admire the new painting. You feel an immediate relief as your physiological arousal comes back to normal. That relief, my friend, is what your brain remembers and craves to have happen again and again.

Now how different is that from substance addiction?

clipped from psychotherapynetworker.com To Buy or not to Buy You Can Never Get Enough of What You Don't Really Need by April Lane Benson All across America, people's shopping habits are changing. The question of "to buy or not to buy" has become more complex than ever. clipped from psychotherapynetworker.com In our consumer-driven economy, we've long been asking material things to do what they really can't: regulate our emotions, improve our social status, and turn us into our ideal selves. To be sure, even before the downturn, many had raised questions about the psychological consequences of our cultural devotion to materialism. Studies and indicators had found something surprising: that as our economy (and particularly our purchasing) surged from the 1960s onward, our sense of individual and social well-being dropped off sharply. the more you believe happiness comes from material wealth, the more likely you are to be depressed, distressed, and anxious—and the less actual well-being you're likely to experience.

Why Women Cut (Part 2)

In part 1 of this series, I mentioned that 70% of people who cut themselves report childhood sexual abuse or other forms of abuse. Yet, not everyone who was abused as a child engages in cutting and other forms of self-injury. Findings from anecdotal and empirical studies show that it is not simply abuse but, rather, abuse in the context of pathological family relationships that places an individual at risk for self-harm. Secure attachment to a caregiver appears to serve as a protective factor. Individual factors that may play a role include: gender, emotional expressivity, and one's ability to bear painful feelings without regression to a more primitive state of mind.

Women who cut generally benefit from therapy directed at helping them work through their trauma. The therapist helps them confront and deal with the emotions and thoughts associated with the abuse. Through exercising compassion toward the self, the client replaces avoidance with awareness. Resolution may or may not involve forgiveness to the perpetrator, but what is important is that the client redefines her relationship with the trauma.

In the treatment for cutting and other forms of self-injury, a therapist may also teach the client more adaptive coping skills to deal with triggers, such as meditation, visual imagery exercises, writing and other forms of artistic expression. Body image work may also be helpful.

Do you have an experience with self-injury and/or its treatment that you'd link to share? I invite you to post your comments or email ling@passagescounseling.com.

Why Women Cut (Part 1)

What comes to mind when you meet a woman who cuts herself? That she has sadistic tendencies? Or that she is suicidal? Or perhaps seeking attention?

An estimated 70% of people who cut themselves (predominantly though not exclusively women)report childhood sexual abuse or other forms of traumatic childhood experiences. Some researchers believe that when these women cut, they are re-enacting their trauma through an act that symbolizes what was done to them in childhood.

A popular view among researchers and therapists is that because these women had dissociated themselves from their bodies during the abuse, cutting is for them a means to end their dissociative experiences so they may feel alive again. Dissociation often occurs during rape when the victim mentally detaches herself from the horror of the experience and goes into psychological numbness, as if she is only observing the abuse happening to someone else's body. For these women, dissociation can continue to occur when they are flooded with memories of the abuse. With cutting, the physical pain they feel and the sight of their own blood bring them back to their bodily experiences and may ironically be what they need to help them function normally in daily life.

Effective Treatment for Depression in Teenagers

clipped from www.usnews.com

Prevent Depression in Teens With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

clipped from health.usnews.com

In cognitive therapy, a person learns to:

• Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.


• Become aware of how thoughts can influence feelings in ways that sometimes are not helpful.


• Learn about thoughts that seem to occur automatically and how they can affect emotions.


• Evaluate critically whether these "automatic" thoughts and assumptions are accurate or perhaps biased.


• Develop the skills to notice, interrupt, and correct these biased thoughts.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

can prevent teenagers from becoming clinically depressed, even if their parents are depressed, too. That’s great news, because serious depression afflicts 2 million teenagers each year and puts them at greater risk of suicide and depression throughout life.

This latest news, in a depression study just out in the Journal of the American Medical Association, is yet another bit of evidence that cognitive behavioral therapy is a valid treatment for depression.

Welcome!

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a counselor who, for 6 years and counting, have been working with troubled adolescents and their families. It is rather ironic that part of my job involves coaching parents to become more effective at setting boundaries with their teens, since as a youth I was a master at violating all boundaries my parents set on me. I guess it's not unlike convicted hackers who are now hired by financial institutions as online security experts.

Therapy changes not just with clients, but therapists too. Over the years I've seen myself grow with my practice. There is so much to learn, whether you are a mental health counselor or a family therapist. As part of my journey of growth, I've started this blog to capture, organize, and share my thoughts about therapy and its related content. I hope you will find it informative and perhaps thought-provoking. You are most welcome to send me your comments =)

Enjoy reading!